


Birthday

by cynicalwish



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 11:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30104991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalwish/pseuds/cynicalwish
Summary: In honour of Alex Standall turning 20. Will this birthday be better than the last?
Relationships: Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 12
Kudos: 12





	Birthday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fridazachlo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Fridazachlo).



This was a midnight like no other. Alex was about to kiss his teen years goodbye, but he wasn't sure if he was ready. He never anticipated making it to 18, let alone 20. He felt like he was winging it and that it was some miracle to be where he was. He listened to the repetitive chiming of his phone as the texts poured in, but he wasn't celebrating. He was mourning how things were. How it would never be the same again. It had to be better than the last at least though, right? The first birthday he had since Hannah had passed was the worst. He spent it wondering what he could have done to have her there to spend it with him. Maybe it would have been less of a calamity. He fell asleep feeling lost, an anti-climactic start to his birthday. 

He woke up and responded to all the well wishes with a simple thank you, before hopping in the shower. He planned to ditch classes today and to do as little as possible. He was content to treat today as any other day, because surely he was too old to be celebrating this stuff. Besides, what was there to be celebrated anyway? That he was born? Big whoop.  
His attitude changed just a little bit when he checked the post to see a little parcel, wrapped neatly with pale blue ribbon and skull wrapping paper. Of course his family had sent it. He smiled with a fond eye roll. They'd never forget. Even if he was away. He admitted it was nice to feel loved, even if he did hate birthdays. He unwrapped it gently to find a vinyl copy of "Love Will Tear Us Apart." Joy Division. His favourite.

He opened the envelope, noting that the card read:

"Dear Alex,  
Happy birthday! We love you and miss you. Call soon. Have an amazing day buddy.  
P.S. this is Peter and I think you stink. Have a day. Love you, idiot."

Evidently, they had collaborated which made him laugh a little. He shot them a text and vowed to call soon. He missed home, but it wasn't a place. It was a feeling that he lost with Hannah and only found again in Zach's arms before he lost that too. He considered reaching out, but decided not to bother him. Today was nothing special after all and Zach hadn't answered any of his texts for at least a month.

After a peaceful day of lazing around and hoping no one else remembered what day it was, Alex spent his evening going for a walk through the city. He admired the lights and the feeling of distance yet closeness to the people surrounding him. He felt nostalgic for memories he wished he had. It was a quiet day. Reflecting on the years he would never get back and the people he had lost along the way. At least he was no longer in a tornado of chaos, but when that was what he was used to it felt jarring to be enveloped in calm. 

He stopped for a hot chocolate, every sip reminding him of laughter and tears. Friendships and lives that had been colossally fucked over. When he tried, he could still hear her laugh ringing in his ears like he last heard it yesterday, and he swore he didn't know pain until her smile came back to him in memories.   
He decided to call his parents on the way back to his accommodation, carefully sipping his warm drink and feeling the light raindrops against his skin. He hung up once he arrived close to his place, noticing that his friends had been suspiciously silent all day. He shrugged it off, thinking they had forgotten which was fair enough. Somewhat of a relief even, and he hoped they wouldn't be mad that he had spent it alone. It did feel a bit strange that no one had noticed him gone though, but he was no stranger to that. He had grown to love the invisibility. 

He figured upon approaching his place that he'd call Jess to see if she wanted to hang out. At least it would stop him dwelling on his conflicting feelings. Like how deep down, maybe he did wish that it had been a little more eventful. After all, he wasn't ever turning 20 again. He shouldn't be wasting it feeling guilty and avoiding the reality. She didn't even need to know it was his birthday. Fuck it, he thought, as he pulled his phone out to text her to come around and to invite friends if she wanted. They could have a quiet night together. Pizza and games? 

Before he could even finish drafting the invite, he noticed arrows on the floor leading away from his room. He was confused, but curious so he decided to follow them religiously. He ended up arriving outside a club. He looked around to make sure it was the right place, but before he could decide the door swung open and Jessica approached him. She pulled him in for a hug.

"Standall! About time. Happy birthday."  
"Thanks, but...you did this?"  
"Duh, we've been setting it up all day."  
"We?"  
"Stop standing there like a lost puppy and maybe you'll see what I mean."

She pulled him in and he immediately felt the warmth of the atmosphere. The music was so loud that he could feel himself shaking from the floor's vibrations. The smell of alcohol and the sight of the crowd all fading into one was a lot. He took a drink for confidence and for a distraction. Jess had already left him there to dance with some dude.

He glanced around at the personalised decorations unable to admit that he felt touched. In the process of messing with a balloon with his name in silver gllitter, he locked eyes with this guy he didn't know who seemed to want to talk to him. He looked away immediately and instead checked out the cake.

It was big but intricately decorated. He was in awe. There was a pile of gifts by it and he felt more silly than ever that he had assumed nothing would happen whether he wanted it to or not. It was a kind gesture and he appreciated it. He didn't plan to dance, so he made small talk with the few people.he knew and drank a little more. 

He noticed the same guy still staring and wasn't sure he had it in him to make conversation with a stranger. The novelty was wearing off as the party started to feel disorienting and draining. He didn't want to seem ungrateful or rude, but it was intense. He hadn't been to a party for fun since he could remember.

He wasn't sure he knew anyone here, at least not anyone who wasn't already occupied. He felt the urge to leave but it would be rude after all this effort, to just go and do something alone. Before he knew it, the guy made his way over to Alex who plastered on a smile and tried to be polite.

"Hey, so you're the birthday boy right?"  
"That would be me, yeah."  
"I'm Daniel," he said with a nauseatingly bright smile as he extended his hand.   
"Alex. Alex Standall," he shook his hand hesitantly. It reminded him of how he had introduced himself to Jess and Hannah.   
"Well, Alex Alex Standall. I don't bite, so how about I get you a drink so you can be less...stiff?"  
"Thanks, but no thanks."  
"It's your birthday, c'mon. Surely you're not the designated driver on your own birthday."  
"I think I know what day it is," he said with gritted teeth but playing it off as a joke.  
"You are a sassy one. You're cute, you know?"   
As if by magic, his saviour from the situation appeared.  
"He does know, because I tell him all the time. So beat it." Zach looked angry and Alex kinda loved it. Only he could look intimidating while holding a teddy in his hand.  
"Who are you? His boyfriend?" Daniel teased.  
"Yeah, actually. Right 'Lex?"  
"Yeah," Alex agreed and Daniel scoffed and walked away.   
"What the fuck?" He laughed.   
Zach placed the gift and card in his hand.   
"These are for you...wanna go somewhere quieter?"  
Alex could barely get a word out, simply nodding. 

He gave the ever oblivious Jessica a smile and thumbs up, truly appreciating the thought but needing to get away once he had processed what was going on. He followed Zach as fast as his legs could carry him away from the noise and people.   
He found himself standing at the balcony, his best friend beside him once again. He took a deep breath in, leaning against it as he appreciated the view of the campus from this angle. Thinking about how he'd have laughed if anyone told him he'd be doing decently in college. Celebrating as faint music played in the background and the moon peered out early just to make herself known as he appreciated her beauty. Seeing the good in the world for the first time in years.

He couldn't help wondering if Hannah had been here, if she'd have thought the same. But that was the thing, no one would ever know. He resented her a bit for it though he knew he shouldn't. He couldn't experience anything without her crossing his mind. He had to learn to accept it and let the thoughts drift away. 

Everything was happening so fast, so he stood there with Zach in comfortable silence for a little while. Thinking and thinking, as always. 

"I don't think my ears will ever recover," Zach piped up with a laugh. Alex rolled his eyes.  
"Looks like some things don't change, you're still dramatic as fuck."  
"Are you mad at me?"  
"No, no! But I missed you, asshole." He nudged him, trying to hide the simultaneous pain and relief written all over his face as he felt hope things could be normal again between them.   
"Kinda sounds like you're mad at me," he said flashing him a pained smile. Alex gently hit his arm.   
"Ow!"  
"Oh my god, you're annoying!" he laughed. "But Zach...why are you here? I haven't heard from you in ages."  
"Jess invited me."   
Alex nodded, gesturing for him to continue.   
"I wasn't gonna come, because I thought you wouldn't want that. And honestly, I've been avoiding you."  
"Charming..."  
"No, not like that. Fuck I'm bad with words."  
"Zach, it's fine. Here, let's sit." Alex pulled some chairs closer.  
"Okay...well, the truth is that I thought giving you some space would help you get over me. Turns out I was the one who needed to get over shit."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I was in denial Alex...and I think you are too if you seriously don't know what I'm talking about. That rooftop kiss meant something to me just like it did to you."  
"What are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that I was an idiot. That I can't stay away because I need you in my life. I noticed you instantly when I got here. Didn't even need to ask. Guess you're a Zach magnet."  
"Say that again and I'll have to end this friendship."  
"Maybe it shouldn't be a friendship anymore..."  
"What? You wanna cut me off because of one kiss?"  
"No! Do you not get it?"  
"Not really."  
Zach got up and began pacing as he explained.  
"I couldn't tell you back then, because of my mum. And some stuff I was working through, but it hurt to see you with someone else. I thought about everything we had gone through and just...you in general. I'd never felt like that before. Everyone saw it but me."  
He paused, noticing how dark it was getting and that the moon was brighter than it had been before. Alex was stunned into silence.  
"I'm here to prove to you that I'm not a coward or a flake like I was before. Maybe it's too late, but we should be the type of friends to tell each other things. Even if we can only be friends....assuming that's what you want. So no more secrets."  
It was clear this was the only thing keeping them distant and it took courage for Zach to tell him this, but Alex had no words.   
"Guess I should be the one to try and walk away this time," Zach laughed awkwardly and turned away.   
"Just try it," Alex murmured as he walked up to him. He pulled him in and kissed him like he'd wanted to forever. Because sometimes it felt like he had. And this time, he kissed back. 

There they were, kissing under the light of the moon. What felt like a disaster seemed to be salvaged. Turns out being 20 wasn't the worst after all.

"So, you gonna come in there and let me smush cake in your face? I think I deserve that." Alex smirked. 

"If it means we can do this again, then by all means..." 

"Smooth." 

"Besides, I got you more presents. You haven't even opened them yet. No greater gift than me, though."

"Yes, you're the greatest gift to humanity."

"Right? You're okay too."

"Fuck you, Zach." 

"When and where?" he winked as he held his hand and walked him back to the party while Alex groaned at the sound of everyone beginning to sing happy birthday once they caught sight of him. The candles were lit and he felt at peace.

Ending the day with a reminder of how his friends cared and with someone he loved made him feel like, however hard shit was, at least this truly was a midnight like no other. 


End file.
